Blogs and Journals as Affected by OCD :)

A lot of people say their blog is their journal or that blogging is a lot like journal writing. Well, although their are some marked differences between blogs and journals (or there should be) I would definitely have to agree on at least one point, My journal entries all start with 'well I haven't written in a while . . . ' and all of my blog entries seem to be craving to follow that same theme. Of course, this is probably because I am inherently slothful, lazy, couch potato-y, or perhaps because I am addicted to tivo'ed episodes of just about every night-time drama on television. BUT, because this is my blog and I am writing it I would like to say that the recent void of any blogging entries on my blog is because of my uncontrollable OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).

Unfortunately, I have OCD in many aspects of my life. But the one I want to bore you with today is what I call my 'Sylar OCD' (as in Sylar from Heroes) If you are not familiar with Sylar and Heroes here is a good link to learn a little about Sylar. Anyway, Sylar's ability is that he can understand how things work and then reproduce them (i.e. others' special powers). Now before you go off thinking that I think that I am a superhero with special powers (or to be more correct a super villain) remember this is just an example something analogous to my OCD, so cool it, I am not saying that I have super powers (at least not openly anyway). The point is that I feel like I understand how things work. Now, whether or not I really do understand how things work or not is unimportant, the compelling issue is that I feel like I do. Unfortunately, I feel like I understand what makes any particular thing perfect and I have an irresistible and insatiable desire to produce that perfection (at least as I envision it (after-all perfection is only relative - right?)). I know, I know, you are thinking 'but Torel, nothing you do is even close to perfection?' This is true, but let me explain. Here is a small window into what I would consider a perfect blog - daily entries including my own personal thoughts and feelings on most of my individual activities well documented by enlightening photos of what I am describing. In addition I wish i could include for each of my kids, pictures and entries of the many cute, special, and memorable things they do everyday. Plus, my blog would not be perfect without some type of spiritual reflection (after-all that is the why behind everything I do). I am sure there is much more I would want to include if I really thought about it. And, thus far this discussion has only been content driven. You see I wouldn't want to settle for these run of the mill Blog sites via blogspot.com. No way!, I would have to design my own individual and special website! (which I actually can do - just in case you were wondering) But that is a whole other laundry list of tasks and time consuming responsibilities. And i can't jus post any photos, they have to be fixed and cropped. So, I think that is enough to show what I am facing, now multiply that times everything i do (since you all know exactly how much I like to pretend to do :), if not just ask my wife :)). It is impossible! Half of the time i am just not skilled enough, or have the necessary skill sets, to pull off what I envision as perfection. But, even if I was skilled enough (and remember the other half of the time-if my math is correct-I do have the skills to achieve perfection), the time to do such tasks is non-existent - at least without cutting off everything else in my life. So, I agonizingly settle for mediocrity, sometimes less. I say agonizingly, because it is quite painful to never accomplish what your inner-self is screaming at you as totally obtainable. So why not just do less, or focus on fewer tasks with a higher level of accomplishment in each. Sorry, that is just as excruciating. The fact that I forget to take the garbage out every once in a while seems much more excusable now doesn't it? (rhetorical question - please don't answer-especially all you gals out there - guys, if you are on my side - go ahead).

So, close your eyes and picture the most outstanding and perfect blog - then open your eyes and pretend that is what you see and keep reading. Trust me, delusions, if you entertain them long enough can become reality! SIDE-NOTE: Perhaps that is the easiest way for me to achieve perfection - by causing everyone else to delusional-ly consider what I do perfect?? That is worth looking into but Hayydn is awake and he is just to darn cute to ignore.